Stained Hands
by PLBOOKS
Summary: She will never turn down a man in need, it doesn't matter what patch he wears on his kutte or what color his parents are. If he is hurt she'll fix him because that's just the kind of woman she is and they all respect her for that. But just how much blood can one woman wash off her hands before it starts to stain.
1. Chapter 1

Monica sighed as she finally finished cleaning the blood off her floor. She bent over wiping the sweat off her face with her blood coated gloved hands as she stood up and started cleaning herself off. She grunted falling back on the floor as she listened to her phone ring for the third time. She knew who it was, but she just didn't want to answer it. She was tired of cleaning up messes today. But as loyal as she was she picked up the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Hey doll you busy?"

"Not really just finished cleaning up Darby's mess." She answered her she picked herself off the ground. Monica walked over to her work table and started putting her equipment back in her case as she cleaned them off.

"What the hell did he do?"

"Apparently the Mayans attacked his house. They killed two girls. He brought in some guy who had half his body blown off nothing too serious. Why would do you need me for?"

"Mayans attacked us at a meeting today."

"Holy shit are you okay Tig?"

"Yeah don't worry about me doll. Me and Clay got out, but our Irish friend is a little beat up. Think you can come out here and fixed him up. Got shot in the ass, Chibs is doing everything he can, but we need more help. We're not going to be able to bring him out there."

Monica looked around her wreck of an office and pinched her nose with her left hand, "Shit Tig it's two in the morning how the hell am I going to find a babysitter for Ari right now."

"Don't worry babe bring her over. Gem will watch her."

Monica sighed as she walked over to her closet and pulled out the packed pink My Little Pony backpack and sat it next to her supplies.

"We'll be over in an hour."

"Thanks Monie. We owe you one."

She took her phone away from her face and slammed it on the table.

"Thanks Monie. We owe you one," She mocked, "You're god damn right y'all owe me one! Those damn bastards can't keep themselves out of trouble for one night."

Monica walked over to the other side of her office that led into her house. She slowly started picking up all the toys that laid in the hallway. As Monica reached to the other end of her house she opened the door and smiled as she saw the long golden locks hanging off the side of the pink twin bed. She placed the toys in the toy box and kneeled over the bed gently shaking the tiny child awake.

"Hey baby." Monica whispered as she slowly started removing the covers.

Ariana peeked her eyes open as she turned back around trying to ignore her mother.

"Come on baby. You need to wake up we're gonna go on trip," Monica yawned.

"I don't want to," Ariana grunted.

"But Uncle Filip missed you love," Monica told her as she rubbed her daughter's back.

Ariana slowly sat up and looked over at her mother, "We're going to Charming?"

"Yes love. Mommy needs to go help the boys with something so Gemma's gonna watch over you tonight when we get there, and then tomorrow you can spend the whole day with Uncle Filip."

Ariana got off her bed and started putting her shoes on, "Okay Momma, but will Mr. Bobby make breakfast?"

Monica laughed as she pick Ariana up, "Yes love I think he will darling."

As Monica pulled into Teller-Morrow she saw Tig and Jax walk over to her small 2001 silver Saturn. She stepped out of her car and accepted Tig's hug.

"Thanks for coming on short notice sweet heart."

"No problem boys."

Tig turned towards the car and looked at the sleeping 5 year old inside, "Want me to drive her to Gemma's?"

Monica nodded, "Please. Her stuff's in the trunk let me just get my stuff out."

Jax put his hand on her shoulder, "I got it darling you go inside they're in Chapel, Chibs is with him."

Monica nodded and gave Jax a gentle kiss on his cheek, "Thanks."

She then turned to Tig and also gave him a kiss, "Be careful."

"Of course sweet heart."

Monica walked into the club house and headed to the double closed doors. As she opened the doors she saw her Chibs standing over a bloody butt naked man.

"Holy Hell Tig wasn't joking when he said he got shot in the ass."

Chibs looked over and saw his favorite red head beauty, "Aye love 'bout time ya showed up, was starten to think ya fell back asleep. Tiggy told me 'bout ya business with Darby."

She grabbed her bag from Jax and walked over to Chibs, "Yeah nothing too big looks like the Mayans are starting to get a little brave."

Monica put on her gloves and pulled out a pair of clamps and a needle, "On the count of three let go Filip. Jax go get me some coffee please, it's going to be a long night."

She put her face mask on and got her hands ready, "One…Two… Three!"

"SHIT!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Mommy, mommy time to wake up."

Monica grunted as she picked her head off of the table and looked over at Ariana, "Baby go play."

Ariana sighed, "But it's time to wake up mommy. Mr. Bobby made pancakes for us."

Monica sat up and leaned back against her chair, "Ugh… where's your Uncle? Go and wake him up."

"I did mommy, earlier this morning. I was going to wake you up too but he told me to wait until breakfast was ready. And well breakfast is ready so come on!"

Monica pulled one of Ariana's pigtail ponytails out of her head and used it to tie back her long nappy copper hair.

"Hey that was mine!"

"Yeah well I bought them so it actually makes it mine. Come on lets go eat."

Monica looked around the Chapel and realized the men must have cleaned up everything after she passed out. The blood from the table was washed off and her tools were put back nicely in her box. The only thing messy was her. She still wore her bloody gloves from last night and her mask was still around her neck.

"Hey baby momma's gonna go get cleaned up and then I'll go and eat breakfast with you."

Ariana nodded as she walked out of the room.

"Thanks for last night darling."

She turned around to see Jax holding out a towel and a cup of coffee.

"No problem Jax, how's your friend?" She grabbed the cup and towel and leaned up against the wall.

"Alive, we're gonna take him out to the cabin," He lit a cigarette, "Money's in the supply box."

Gulping down her coffee she shook her head, "No charge Jax. It's all good."

Jax laughed and sat down at the table, "Kid still going to the church school."

She smirked, "Yeah."

"Well there's the rest of the years tuition."

She walked herself over to the table and sat down across from him, "Speaking of kids how's Abel doing? Last time Filip and I talked he said that he was still holding on strong."

Jax smiled, "Yeah he's getting there. Might be a few more weeks before he can come home."

They sat in silence for a while until Jax looked back up and took Monica's hand with his free one, "Can I tell you something Monie."

She smiled, "Course Jax, what's up."

Jax sighed and looked back down at the table, "I killed a man for Tara last night."

"What?" Her eyes widened as she took her other hand off of her mug and gripped hers hands around his, "She's back?"

Jax nodded, "yeah," he whispered, "Been back since Abel was born."

"Shit, why'd you do it?"

"She dated some ATF agent, it got out of hand. Long story short he showed up at her house and I killed him."

She closed her eyes and looked up at the ceiling, "Jesus Teller, why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know. I needed to tell someone that wouldn't judge I guess. I just don't know what to do Monie. I mean we almost had sex last night, but then Tig called and Jesus she's just got me all fucked up again."

"Did it ever occur to you that she was just using you to get rid of her problems?"

He sighed, "Yeah actually it has. I just, I don't know I guess I just don't want to believe it."

Monica rubbed his arm, "Honey I don't know what to tell you. I'm not going to try and tell you to stay away from her because I know that's not going to happen," She stood up and walked around the table. She leaned over him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek, "But what I will tell you love, is not to give her your whole heart until you know it's real. I had to help you put it back together once I'm not going to do it again."

And with that she picked up her towel and walked out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

_Knock knock_

Monica looked up from her desk filled with paper work as she tucked her pen in her bun, "Come in."

She frowned as she saw some trimmed up blonde strut in her office like it was hers, "Can I help you?"

The woman smirked, "Well honey I hope you can," She pulled out a badge from her back pocket, "Agent Stahl, ATF."

"Well _Agent _unless you need new boobs or a face lift I don't see how I can help you," She snapped back.

Stahl smirked as she threw a vanilla folder on her table, "Monica Marie O'Connor, age: 30, race: Caucasian/Irish, height: 5' 7", weight: 165 though that might be off," Stahl smirked as she saw the glare in Monica's eyes, "hair: red, eyes: green, occupation: plastic surgeon at Thomas Health Center in Livermore, California."

Monica clapped her hands and growled at her, "Congratulations you know how to Google."

"But that's not all I know sweet heart," Stahl grabbed a chair and sat down across from Monica, "I also know your mother Cathleen O'Fallon-Thomas moved you and her to the United States from Ireland 17 years ago. I also know that your step-father Andrew Thomas and mother were both and killed 5 years ago by a couple of rookie cops who went on an independent case to raid this office thinking they could finally catch you father working "after hours" but what they found was Andrew delivering his granddaughter, Ariana Cathleen O'Conner am I right?"

Monica just scowled at her.

Stahl laughed, "And let's not forget about Mr. O'Conner."

Monica slammed her hands on the table, "Shut up you don't know shit."

Stahl folded her hands together and rested her head on them, "Oh really well from what I have gathered your husband, or ex-husband I should say, the Neurosurgeon, Brain O'Conner was murdered by his patient's husband when he failed to save the wife's life just 3 months before your little angel was born."

Monica pushed her chair back and stood over Stahl, "Why the hell are you telling me this," she growled.

Stahl smirk as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, "Because sweet heart I want you to know that I know everything. Now I'm about to ask you a few questions and it would be wise of you not to lie to me."

Monica crossed her arms, "Try me."

Stahl laughed, "Tell me about the Sons of Anarchy."

Monica shrugged her shoulders, "What's there to tell, they're just a group of motorcycle enthusiasts that enjoy good riding, good friends, and happy trails," she finished with a smirk.

"Is that what Clay makes all of his associates say?"

"What do you mean?" Monica innocently questioned.

"Clay gave me the same bullshit, but I like his version better," Stahl pushed her chair back and stood up, "Listen doll I know what the club really is and if you really care about that 5 year old daughter of yours you'll tell me what you know."

Monica leaned over, "You threating my family _Agent_," she snarled.

Stahl laughed, "I'm just reminding you what you have to lose _Doctor_. What do the Sons have on you sweet heart?"

Monica narrowed her eyes, "Sons ain't got shit on me and neither do you," she spat, "Now unless you need help with that face of yours I suggest you get the hell out of my office."

Stahl just rolled her eyes and laughed as she placed her card on the desk, "If you remember something call me," she walked over to the door and opened it as she turned back around, "You know it'd be a shame if that daughter of yours was collected by child services because her mother got arrested for killing her husband's murder."

As Stahl closed the office door Monica looked down at the vanilla folder on her desk and threw it in the trash, "That cold heartless bitch."


	4. Chapter 4

Monica walked through the halls of St. Thomas after having a meeting with the Plastic Surgery Residency Program Director, trying group up with St. Thomas and work with them part time. As she passed the INCU room she stopped and watch as she saw Stahl and Tara talking.

"What the hell is she doing here," she whispered to herself.

Monica walked up to the door and stepped out of the way as Stahl walked out.

Stahl saw her and smiled, "Fancy seeing you her doctor. Did you remember any new information you're willing to share."

Monica leaned back and crossed her arms, "Actually no I was here for a meeting and now I'm going to go check on Abel. So if you'll…"

Stahl grabbed her by her shoulder and turned her around, "I've already arrested Luann Delaney and Rita Zambell do I need to arrest you also?"

Monica pulled her arm away from Stahl as she saw Jax walking over towards them, "You don't got shit on me."

"I have a murder."

"That you don't have proof of. Now get the hell out of my way."

Monica pushed herself back and started walking across the opposite end of the hospital not wanting to get questioned by Jax.

"Hey!" Jax yelled.

She pretended not to hear him and kept on walking straight.

"God damn it Monie stop!"

She stopped as she reached the chapel and turned around, "What?"

Jax ran up to her and grabbed her by the shoulder, "What the hell was that? What did Stahl say to you?"

She shrugged her shoulder away from his hand and leaned up against the wall as she crossed her arms against her crest, "Nothing she just wanted to know if I'd give her any information today."

Jax ran his hand through his hair, "Today? She's questioned you before Monie?"

Monica sighed, "Yeah," she rolled her eyes, "A few days ago, strolled into my office like it was hers and demanded I tell her about the Sons. What the hell is going on Jax?"

Jax shook his head and put both of his hands on her shoulders, "Nothing Monie they're just trying to scare us. They ain't got nothing on us."

Monica looked around and turned back to Jax, "She threatened to take Ari away Jax," she whispered, "Said she's gonna us the murder of Dominic Odell to arrest me."

Jax pulled her into a hug, "Don't worry darlin' she's got no proof. There's no proof that you had anything to do with that, Chibs made sure."

Monica pulled away and looked back up at Jax with tears in her eyes, "I know Jax, but I'm worried about Ariana. I can't let that bitch take her from me. I just can't."

Jax put his arms down and stared down at her, "So what are you going to do?" He questioned her.

She glared up at him and threw her hands on her hips, "I'm not going to rat if that's what you're asking," she growled, "But until this AFT bullshit leaves Charming I'm not going to be making any house calls."

Jax sighed and kissed her on her cheek, "I didn't mean it like that. You're the last person I would worry about ratting. Stop worrying about Stahl okay, I'll handle her. You just worry about your office and Ariana. She's not going anywhere and nether are you."

Monica wiped her eyes and smiled at Jax, "Thanks you're right. There's nothing to worry about."

He put his arm around her should and walked her down the hall, "Come on I want you to meet Abel."

As they walked over to the INCU room Monica noticed that Tara was still watching over Abel. They walked into the room and Monica went straight for Abel completely ignoring Tara. She looked down at him and smiled, he reminded her so much of Jax. They had the same blue eyes, pointed nose and strong jaw. She saw Tara walk over to Jax from her peripheral vision. Not wanting to look up she just stared down at Abel and smiled as she caressed his face.

"Do you want to hold him?" Monica looked up to see Tara standing in front of her.

Monica shook her head no longer wanting to be in the same room with her anymore, "Thanks but I'm good."

Jax laughed as he picked up Abel and handed him to Monica, "Shut up and hold your nephew."

Monica laughed as she remembered herself telling Jax the same thing when Ariana was born. She took Abel from Jax and held him up against her chest. She smiled as she gazed down at him.

"I missed this," She looked up at Jax, "When they're still small enough for me hold all day."

Her smile dropped as she saw Tara move into Jax's arms. There was something about Tara that made her want to run out and scream. Maybe it was because Jax was still married to Wendy, or maybe it was the fact she knew that Tara could turn Jax's world upside down without even batting an eye. What made her hate Tara even more was the fact that Tara knew just how much power she had over Jax and she used it. She had Jax kill that man for her, it made Monica stick even thinking about it. As soon as she saw Tara kiss Jax on the lips Monica closed her eyes and passed Abel back to Jax. Her worst fears had come true Jax was back with Tara.

"Thanks for this but I have to go and pick Ari up from school."

Jax smiled as he handed Abel back to Tara and gave Monica hug, "Abel gets out in a couple of days. I'll have mom call you, bring Ari with you. I know the boys miss her."

Monica smiled back at Jax, "Sure just um… have Gemma call me. We'll be there."


	5. Chapter 5

"Mommy?"

Monica looked over her desk to see Ariana rubbing her eyes as she was dressed in her pajamas holding onto her tattered up teddy bear.

Monica put her pen down and looked over at her digital clock; 2200 it read, "Time of bed baby?"

Ariana nodded her head as she walked around the desk and placed her head in her mother's lap.

"Okay let me clean up and I'll meet in bed. Okay button?"

Monica kissed the top of Ariana's head and watched as she sauntered out of her office. Monica picked up her files and put them back in her cabinet and walked over to her coat hanger and throw her work coat off. She then walked out of her office and opened the door that lead to her house. As walked in she shook her head at the mess that cluttered her home. Days of dirty dishes were piled up in the sink along with her clothes that were scattered all over the house.

"Tomorrow," she whispered to herself, "tomorrow I'll clean."

She undid her bun and kicked her shoes off. Monica walked over to the sink and rinsed out a dirty wine glass as she grabbed a bottle of dry red wine from the fridge. She took a few sips before putting the glass down and stripping down to her underwear. Leaving her work clothes on the floor for tomorrow. She then walked over to the couch and pulled out a pair of dirty sweat pants and a large t-shirt. As she walked down the hall she noticed a change in the house, it was clean. Not a sock on the ground or a toy left behind. When she opened the door at the end of the hall she couldn't help but want to kick herself in the ass. A 5 year old daughter could clean up her mess while the 30 year old mother couldn't. She was almost disgusted with herself. Her daughter's room looked 10 times better than the entire house. Monica want to blame the stress of that ATF bitch. Telling herself that she's just been too stressed to do anything around the house lately, but in reality it was just that she was starting to feel sorry for herself. If anyone had told her 6 years ago that she'd be taking over her step-father's business while being a single mother she would have slapped someone. She hadn't really noticed what she was doing lately, everything was moving so fast. Being raised in Belfast with a Son for a father Monica knew the life of an outlaw and it was one she promised herself that her future children would never have to know, but after the death of her husband everything just started to move too fast for her to even comprehend. That is until Stahl came and slowed the world down for her. Monica started to realize that this is not the life she planned. Where was her husband, her two other children and her white picket fence? Instead she was a widow, living in a doctor's office, performing illegal medical malpractice for outlaws that would show up at her doorstep at different hours of the night. She was starting to forget who she was and it was all because of Stahl.

"Mommy?"

Monica snapped her head over to Ariana who had already tucked herself into bed. She walked over to the twin bed and kissed her daughter on the head.

"We're gonna go over to Jax's house tomorrow night." She told Ariana as she sat down and ran her fingers through her daughter's long golden locks.

Ariana picked her head up, "Why?"

"Abel gets to go home tomorrow. So Gemma's having a welcome home for him."

"Oh," Ariana nodded her head, "Mommy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Will I ever get a new daddy?"

Monica stopped her hand and looked down at her daughter. She saw the seriousness in her daughter's face and it almost made her want to walk right out of the room, but she knew if she ran now she would just keep running.

"I don't know baby. Why do you ask?"

"Because," Ariana fidgeted with her hair, "It's lonely here."

As soon as she heard those words fall out of her daughter's mouth she knew she had fucked up. Not only had she been neglecting her duties as a home maker, but also as a mother.

"I know baby and I'm sorry. Mommy's just been really busy lately, but that changes now. Starting right now I'll be spending more time around the house and with you."

Ariana smiled, "Mommy I have another question."

"What is it?"

Ariana started playing with her mother's hands, "What was my daddy like?"

Monica smiled as she kissed her daughter's hand, "Baby he was amazing. He was smart, brave and loving and I loved him very much."

"Why did you love him?"

Monica looked confused down at her daughter, "I just told you."

Ariana shook her head, "No, I mean there's a lot of smart and brave people, why did you love Daddy?"

The mother smiled down at her daughter and kissed her on the head, "Because baby… he gave Mommy hope."

Her daughter looked up at her mother questioning, "Hope?"

Monica smiled as she stared up at the ceiling, "Yeah Daddy gave me hope to believe that I could live a life I never thought was possible."

"I don't get it."

"I didn't grow up like you baby. I grew up in Ireland and it wasn't nice. I was scared all most all the time, and then one day something really bad happened and a bad man tried to hurt me and my mum."

"What was his name Mommy?" Ariana whispered.

"His name was Jimmy," Monica whispered as she looked down at her hands.

"What happened?"

"Uncle Filip saved us. He brought me and my mum to America with him, so that we were safe from Jimmy. We lived in Charming with Uncle Filip until my mum got married to my step-da."

"Is that how you met Jax?"

Monica laughed out of all the people Ariana would ask about Jax, "Yes baby that's how I met Jax and Opie and everyone else. We grow up together kind of."

"When did you meet Daddy?"

Monica still felt her heart skip a beat as she heard Ariana call Brian her "Daddy", "I met Daddy at college we both went to Stanford. I went to become a plastic surgeon and Daddy went to be a brain doctor. We had a few classes together and after Daddy became a doctor we got married. We live in a beautiful house next to a lake in Washington and I was so full of hopes and dreams."

"What happened to him Mommy?"

Monica looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes, "He died baby."

"But how," she whispered.

Monica shook her head and kissed Ariana on the head, "Not tonight."

"But…"

Monica shook her head as she tucked the covers tighter around Ariana, "Not tonight," she repeated.

As soon as Monica shut the door she walked over to the kitchen and cried as she poured herself another glass.

A/N Happy New Year! I'm sorry it's been a while I've been traveling a lot lately. But I would like to thank you all for reviewing, following and favoriting! So I wrote this chapter because a lot of y'all have been asking if this is a Jax and Monica story and it will be, but not right now. This chapter is supposed to show that Monica is still very much in love with Brian and the dream she had for her and Ariana's future. Thanks to Stahl she is reminded of what she once had and is questioning herself when she will ever be able to have her white picket fence back. As for Jax, with Tara back in Charming he is once again blinded by first love and who can truly blame him. But until Monica can lay her dreams down to rest with Brian she and Jax can never be. Monica knows that Jax is an outlaw and can never give her a safe, and peaceful life she craves.


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